Life Journal October 9, 2007
Today's readings: Nehemiah 1,2; Psalm 133, 134; Luke 22

Is It I, Lord?

Scripture

[Jesus speaking] "'But here at this table, sitting among us as a friend, is the man who will betray me. For I, the Son of Man, must die since it is part of God's plan. But how terrible it iwll be for my betrayer!' Then the disciples began to ask each other which of them would ever do such a thing. . . .

"'Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to have all of you, to sift you like wheat. But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen and build up your brothers.'

"Peter said, 'Lord, I am ready to go to prison with you, and even to die with you.'

"But Jesus said, 'Peter, let me tell you something. The rooster will not crow tomorrow morning until you have denied three times that you even know me.' . . .

"So they arrested him and led him to the high priest's residence, and Peter was following far behind. The guards lit a fire in the courtyard and sat around it, and Peter joined them there. A servant girl noticed him in the firelight and began staring at him. Finally she said, 'This man was one of Jesus' followers!'"

"Peter denied it. 'Woman,' he said, 'I don't even know the man!'

"After a while someone else looked at him and said, 'You must be one of them!'

"'No, man, I'm not!' Peter replied.

"About an hour later someone else insisted, 'This must be one of Jesus' disciples because he is a Galilean, too.'

"But Peter said, 'Man, I don't know what you are talking about.' And as soon as he said these words, the rooster crowed. At that moment the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered that the Lord had said, 'Before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny me three times.' And Peter left the courtyard, crying bitterly."

Luke 22. 21-23, 31-34, 54-62

Observation

Even those closest to Jesus betrayed and denied him.

Application (How will I be different today because of what I just read?)

I don't like reading these verses. They come a little too close to home for me. They make me stop and think about all the times that I have "sold out" so I wouldn't stand out--the times that, even if my words didn't deny Him, my actions did. These verses always make me do some deep soul searching.

It is easy for me to follow, share, and be a disciple when there is not cost--or when it is safe. But, what happens when it's not? Am I always the person Jesus has called me to be?? I may not deny Him through my words--but what about through my actions. Does everything I do and say point to Him?

Last week I wrestled with the verses in Luke 14--about what it means to be a disciple. It doesn't come cheap--it isn't easy--there is a cost if I am truly going to follow Him. And today, I am forced to continue to search my heart . . . . and my life and ask the hard questions. "Is it I, Lord, who denies You? Is it I, Lord, who betrays You?" I don't want it to be . . . . but, in truth, I know that sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't even realize I have until after the fact--then I regret my words or actions.

I have to daily search my heart and guard my words and actions. I must intentionally keep my focus and my eyes on Jesus--be in the Word, pray, and serve in His name. I cannot let down my guard, otherwise I am right back where I was. And yet, I know, that no matter how hard I try, I still won't get it completely right . . . . but that doesn't mean I quit trying. It means that I, like the disciples, ask for forgiveness . . . . that I repent and turn to Jesus again . . . . and then continue to move forward, in Jesus' name.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, my heart breaks over the times that I deny or betray Your Son, my Savior. I don't want to, but I do. Once again I repent and I turn back toward Jesus, giving myself to You. Lord, I want to give up everything for You--yet I hold it all so tightly in my hands. Help me to let go. Help me to cling to only You. Today, Father God, I step forward once again on the path You have set before me. Once again, I dedicate myself to following You. Once again, I begin the journey with You.